I’m a few days late posting this as it was in my intentions to post prior to my 22nd birthday. I started this about a month ago because it was that time last year that I sat down and decided to write a blog as I was nearing the age of 21 and looking back on all the things I had learned through the years. I decided I wanted to write some of those down to share with my future children, if it’s in The Lord’s will that I become a mother. As I was nearing the age of 22 I thought it would be neat if I decided to add on to the list again with 22 more things I’ve gathered through the years.
Dear Future Children,
I’m not exactly sure when I’ll decide to give you these values and actually let you read them because it’s not through my words that you will learn. It will be through my actions. I sure hope that through the years of being your mother you learn these values not because I wrote them down but because I’ve lived by them. I have a lot of hopes for you but my biggest hope will always be that you leave a mark on this earth far better than I ever could. I don’t want to raise children just like me. I want to raise children better than me. With that in mind, here are some life lessons I think are important to living not just a life of purpose, but a life of quality.
1.) Life isn’t about safeguarding your heart.
Life isn’t about protecting your heart. It’s about opening your heart to the world. Afraid someone will take advantage? Let them. They have to live with that…not you.
2.) Helping a sick or troubled family member is hard on every one, but rewarding.
If you should ever have to take care of me one day, I’m sorry for the way I may lash at you because I’m miserable. This past year I’ve witnessed a lot of people close to me in varying stages of pain whether it be physical, mental, or even emotional. I even witnessed the last three weeks of life, step by step with your great grandpa Lynn. He was my best friend and I’ll be the first to say it can take a toll on a person. I hope you have a selfless heart because there are times you may have to go it alone. There may even be times that you pray to the Lord that he takes them from their suffering. Never stop praying for them and enjoy the days you have for you never, ever know when it will be their or your last. In ending, it will be stressful. It will be tiring. It will be hard. But the sore muscles, the hurt heart, and the bags under your eyes it will be worth it when you either help heal them or help put their soul to rest.
3.) You’re not on earth to “prove points” or “teach others lessons”.
Leave the act of judgment and lesson teaching (unless you’re a math teacher—then teach y=mx+b and get on with your day) to someone with a little more knowledge than you. Leave it to The Lord.
Don’t teach someone a lesson by being mean just because they did you wrong. The Lord will teach them as He sees fit. That’s up to Him—never you.
4.) In your 20’s you’ll lose a lot of friends.
I’m only in my second year of the 20’s and I’ll tell you one thing, I’ve lost a lot of friends. But I’ve made a lot of friends too. You’re not growing up if you’re not losing friends. By that I mean, you’ll gain your bearings and develop your own views on things during these years. Don’t be ashamed of them. Stay true to you and those that are true to you, will stay as well.
5.) Life is too short to be sad over boys or girls.
Boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you? You can be sad for a few days. But don’t let it define you or consume you. Find a way to re-define yourself, your life, and your purpose.
6.) You can’t expect to wallow with pigs and come back clean.
If you sling mud, roll in the mud, or even walk on the outskirts of mud there is a solid chance you’ll end up covered in it. By this I mean, don’t say mean things about others and expect people to look at you like you’re a good person. Don’t surround yourself with mean people and expect to be seen as a good person. Don’t be a pig and don’t hang out with pigs either (unless you’re showin’ them of course).
7.) “Cane poles are effective.”
It was a random evening sitting at the dinner table talking with your Grandpa Jody that I heard a story I hadn’t heard before. He caught 75 crappies one day using a cane pole for the first time. He said he was skeptical of how well something so simple would work. In the fishing world there tons of different lures, poles, etc. that can be used that work and some of them look super cool. But sometimes just a stick and line works just as well. Don’t be fooled by flashy-ness. Sometimes simple works just as well.
8.) If a boy/girl leaves you they typically come back.
These past few years I’ve let a certain someone leave and come back more times than I even want to be capable of counting. I’m not saying that they will come back to give you hope. I’m saying this because sometimes people shouldn’t come back. Sometimes they’re meant to stay gone and sometimes that means you telling them to leave you alone. In ending, I’m saying this because I had to learn on my own and so will you. Sure, I’ll tell you what I think about it but I hope you always follow your heart, even if your decisions lead to it being broken.
9.) Insecure people will always question your intentions.
People that aren’t comfortable in life or with themselves will question your intentions and reasons for doing what you do. As long as your intentions are pure and Godly, answer to no one. You only have one life to live and I hope you do it treating everyone the best you can. But don’t feel obligated to tell people why you’re living in such a manner. Live for the Lord. Live for yourself.
10.) Don’t complain about the smell of livestock or getting stuck behind tractors.
Scrolling through Facebook one day I had at least 25 statuses posted about how our entire town smelled like hog manure. I can guarantee you at least 90% of those people ate pork or used pork by-products on the regular. I’ve seen people cuss farmers for being late to work. To me, that hog manure smelled like hours of toil and trial invested by farmers. To me, that smelled like another plate of food on the table for some undeserving, ungrateful whiner. Trust me, if farmers could drive safely faster—they would. Their time is just as important as yours. Don’t complain about anything regarding agriculture. If you do, I’ll make sure you don’t pick up a fork until you can give me 25 reasons the rewards of farming outweigh the smells or time you lost behind a tractor…
11.) Having a jealous heart will never return anything to you.
Jealously only takes away; it never gives. You cannot expect to be rewarded when you’re jealous. Be happy for others’ fortunes. Never find pleasure in others’ misfortunes.
12.) Only you can decide to have a great day.
There are too many people in this world that wake up in the morning and opt to let the universe determine their level of happiness for the day. Don’t be that way. Be the type of person that wakes up and decides to have a great day- no matter what news you find out, no matter how your boss treats you that day. The quality of your day is determined be you and your thoughts. You’re in control.
13.) Just because you can’t see the sun doesn’t mean you won’t get sunburnt.
Just because it’s cloudy out doesn’t mean the sun’s not there. By this I hope you understand that even on the darkest of days the sun still exists. Similarly, in life don’t let some clouds (negativity) dim your sunshine (happiness). Always fight to be the sunshine poppin’ through the clouds. Sometimes the clouds will win and that’s okay. But eventually the sun will shine again. Remain hopeful in down times.
14.) Don’t let someone make you feel dumb for being smart.
I wish I could tell you that I’ve never felt dumb for knowing something, but I have. I hope that you never feel guilty or like a loser for being intelligent. If you know the answer in class, always hold your hand up proudly. And if you’re wrong- don’t be ashamed. Ask why and do your best to understand. There’s a lot that can be taken from you in this world, your knowledge isn’t one of them.
15.) Find a bathing suit you’re comfortable in.
Lord knows I’ve struggled with my self-confidence in regards to my body. I used to avoid going swimming with friends or shudder at the thought of going to a waterpark with my friends. Self-confidence isn’t limited to girls. So son, I hope you’re never ashamed of how you look in trunks. Nonetheless, find a bathing suit you feel confident in because I hope you never, ever turn down an invite like I have in the past because you’re ashamed. Own that cellulite. Own that beer belly. The people that love you won’t mind those things and the people that mind those things don’t matter and I hope someone pees in the pool next to them fools anyways.
16.) There’s a lot to be said for staying silent.
Not all things require a response. You’ll learn this with time and I’m not sure I can even explain it.
17.) Breakfast is a celebration.
I’ll be the first to tell you that I’ve slacked the last few years and very rarely eat breakfast. But when I do, I always feel better about the day ahead. I hope we can enjoy many breakfasts together. Breakfast, to me, is a celebration of life. It means we made it through another night and are blessed to live another day. Breakfast should be a party, a celebration. I hope you’ll treat breakfast as such with me.
18.) Comparison is the thief of joy.
Good ole Teddy Roosevelt said that first and I find it interesting because he always compared our nation to others and wanted to be the best of the best. It makes me wonder if he died a happy man. Nonetheless, I hope you can be proud of who you are without comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone who has it better than you, don’t discount yourself. There will always be someone who has it worse than you, don’t upsell yourself. Be humble enough to be proud.
19.) If you buy new and have old, give it away.
If you are fortunate enough to buy something new and have a decent “old” one I hope you give it to someone who needs it. I’ve never understood people trying to get money “just cause they can”. If you don’t need it, can live without it and know someone else that needs it- give it away and never, ever expect anything in return.
20.) Your time is the most precious gift you can give.
Sure, diamonds are great. Cash is always awesome. Those are both things you can give away and replace. Your time? Once it’s gone, you can never get it back. Be gracious when people give you their time. Be careful with whom you give your time to.
21.) Never be too cool to talk to those younger or older than you.
I’ve sat for hours talking to those much older than me and I can tell you that I’ve never felt like I wasted my time. I learned so many neat things and heard so many great stories. Never, ever think it’s lame to talk to “old” people. You’ll be astonished at what they’ve been through and have overcome. Same goes for the young’ns. They probably admire you. Talk to them. Laugh with them. Play with them. There’s a lot to be learned from the simplicity of young minds and there’s always great opportunity for you to help mold the minds of the future.
22.) Always keep Thank You cards in stock.
There truly is nothing more important than making people feel appreciated. A simple gesture of gratitude like a simple thank you card goes a long way. I hope you always have a gracious heart and never have a pride too large to show it. And please, take the time to sit down and write a few kind words. A handwritten note is far better than a “thank you” text. It takes effort and to me, that shows genuine gratitude.
I still have a lot of learning to do kids. I just know that these are things and values I truly believe in and I think can help make the world a better place, especially if you do your best to execute them as I will continue to try to follow these same ideals through the existence of my life.
I hope you will serve as a light in a world that grows darker every day so that one day your children can do the same. With each generation we should only get better if we all live according to the belief that our children are meant to be better than us and we hold them accountable for that. Please, outshine me and make me proud.
All my love,
Momma D ♥
Life, Love, and Everything in Between 