Dear Future Son/Daughter: 21 Important Things I Learned Before 21

Dear Future Mini-Me(s),

I am not sure how to even halfway imagine the person you will become, for I am nowhere near the thought of bearing a child. However, just because I’m at a point in life that I cannot envision the perfect masterpiece I know you will be does not mean that I haven’t already formed a great deal of wisdom to pass on to you, in hopes that you too can live a fulfilling life and hopefully an ever better life than I.

1. “Can’t Never Could.”

Your great-grandfather Lynn has always said, “Can’t Never Could Do Anything.” This may seem like some weird wisdom but it’s most certainly true. If in your mind you think you cannot do something, you can’t. So, ALWAYS look at whatever task lies ahead as the opportunity to make it happen. You cannot accomplish anything with a sour attitude or with a weak mindset. The first time you tell me you can’t do something is the first of many times you’ll hear me say, “Can’t Never Could Do Anything,” because I genuinely believe it.

2. Even if it “kills” you, you’ll still live

Whenever life seems to get too tough, you feel like giving up, and you’re pretty sure it’d just be easier to not even wake up tomorrow, remember YOU ARE BLESSED. If you feel as if a tough situation is absolutely “killing you”, you’ll live. I promise. It takes some awful strong willpower and an even stronger faith in The Lord to know that no matter the situation, you’ll overcome it. If something seems unbearable it’s only because The Lord knows you can bear it. Don’t forget that.

3. “If bones aren’t sticking out and blood isn’t gushing I don’t wanna hear you cry.”

The above phrase, as tough as it may seem was your Grandma Jennifer’s absolute FAVORITE thing to say. I swear. As harsh as it may seem, I can promise you it’ll come in handy. If you tell yourself you’re a tough individual and it doesn’t really hurt, you’ll eventually believe it. I’ve had numerous doctors applaud me for not crying in some pretty painful situations. But, I didn’t have any bones sticking out too bad and the blood wasn’t gushing too fast so I didn’t shed a single tear. You will be respected not only for physical but mental toughness. By all means, I’ll still promise to kiss your “booboos” and wipe your tears when you do cry. However, I will not let my children be wimps. I wasn’t allowed to be one and I’m a better person for it. You will be too.

4. Your Grandparents are wrinkled blessings

I owe a great deal of my young wisdom to my grandparents. Whether it’s how to whip up a quick meal when you’re not expecting company, mend a fence, or balance a check book your grandparents will serve as wonderful assets for whatever obstacle you may have to face head on.  Chances are they’ve been there and “done that”. Ask them. However, do not expect them to tell you what you want to hear. I’ll bank on the fact that they’ll always tell you what you need to hear. Grandparents are not for the faint of heart, but by golly…you’ll have a changed heart and a good one if you spend enough time with them.

5. Your 6th grade boy/girlfriend isn’t who you’ll marry, let alone someone you will talk to in high school

On the rare chance you overcome all odds and marry your 6th grade sweetheart, I’ll personally make sure I admit “I was wrong” at your wedding reception. Here goes nothing, I’ll even hand you a crisp Benjamin Franklin on your 1 year anniversary. Ask my friends, they will tell you- I don’t believe in making bets unless I’m 99.9% sure I’ll come out ahead. Therefore, do not get hung up on boys or girls early on. They have cooties anyways. Chances are the person you are in the 6th grade is not who you will be as a freshman, let alone a senior in high school. Enjoy all other aspects of life: sports if you choose to be the athlete, piano or guitar if you love music, heck, join the Spell Bowl team if you’re a little bit nerdy (your mother was) whatever it is develop a hobby that will benefit you later on down the road. You’ll have plenty of time for boys and girls at a later date. I’ll just tell you now, you’ll end up thanking me later for this.

6. Do not complain about having a set bedtime

One night you’ll be up typing a paper at two a.m. wishing you were still a fifth grader with a nine o’clock bedtime. Those were the days my friend. Those were the days. In high school, I hope that you’re a well-rounded individual. This might mean that you won’t get home from a track meet or even a soil judging contest until 11 p.m. If you’re anything like your mother you might just procrastinate and have a five page paper due first period the next day. You’ll have to stay up super late to finish it and feel like crap at 7:00 a.m. when it’s time to get up so you can catch the bus. I’ll warn you about the bus next. Nonetheless, enjoy those early bedtimes and nights of at least 9 hours of sleep, for they will not last forever.

7. The school bus is both a blessing and a curse

Your great-grandpa Lynn always reminded me how fortunate I was to have a school bus to ride to school. He always told me about the stories his dad would tell him of hopping from one fence post to the next because the snow drifts were so high and still having to walk to school. If you have to ride the school bus to school every morning or even on occasion, you are lucky in comparison to your ancestors and even your peers in impoverished countries. However, I will probably go ahead and agree it’s stinky. The bus driver probably won’t be as nice as the ones I had because times are definitely changing. The kids you’ll meet on the bus can either make you or break you. Choose where you sit wisely and who you sit by carefully, or you might just be assigned a seat up front and sign yourself up for a nice “coming to Jesus” talk with your momma when you arrive at home.

8. Manners are always in style

If you’re a young gentleman and while you’re waiting in a restaurant, seated on a bench or occupying a chair, an elderly lady or man walks in and there’s not another seat available I pray to goodness you stand up and offer him/her your seat. Same goes for when you’re on a public bus or perhaps a train. My sweet, sweet girl this rule applies to you too. One day, you’ll be on the opposite end of it and appreciate a nice chair to sit in while having to wait thirty minutes to eat. Your legs are strong and sturdy. Put them to good use. Also, it is not lady-like to belch or fart in public, no matter what the “feminist” might say. If you catch your brother doing it, I hope you tell him he’s a pig and you’re not impressed. The rules for manners are universal and do not apply to “male” or “female”. I expect you to behave and always chew with your mouth closed.

9. Get a “job” early on

I have not the slightest clue what labor laws shall exist when you are of working age. However, I want you to learn the value of a dollar at a rather young age and what it means to work for something. If it means I send you to hang out with your papaw and you have to pick up sticks for a few hours only for a couple bucks, do it with a joyful heart. Those few “bucks” will add up over time and will allow you to purchase something YOU can proudly say you got on your own terms. Working hard is a dying “trend” nowadays with all the automated technology. Once upon a time your mother had to sling cement blocks, mix mortar, and cut stone for your grandpa Jody and great-grandpa Lynn, all for a whopping minimum wage. I didn’t get rich in salary. I got rich in experience. Work hard even if you’re not becoming a millionaire doing it. Work ethic says a lot about you and your parents. Make me proud.

10. If you have $10.00 to give and someone needs it…GIVE it

I am far from being a rich college kid right now. In fact, I don’t think I know a rich college kid. However, I am far from being poor. I have everything I could most possibly need. Do I have everything I want? Pshhh, no. Will I ever have everything I want? Pshhh, NO. However, there are people who actually need things. If you can spare $10.00 a month, find someone who can use it. I believe in saving money, to an extent. Always remember, it is something you won’t be able to take with you when you leave. Why die today with $10.00 in your pocket if it could’ve been used to help someone yesterday? If you were to pass for some reason I’m sure you’d regret not handing someone in need that measly paper.

11. Speak your mind, tactfully

It is never worth your while to hold back how you feel. It’ll never be worth your while to state how you feel in an ill-manner. If you have something weighing on your heart, slow down and think of what you want to say and HOW you want to say it. I have won a few speech contests in my past and I know it was not always because my content was the best but it was how I delivered the speech that carried me to victory. If you do not know how to speak with dignity, command, and respect, simply don’t speak. Even if you don’t agree with someone, speak to them as if you were speaking to me. If you think you’d get swatted in the mouth for speaking to me a certain way, I expect you to speak in the same manner to everyone you come in contact with as you would me or your father. Plain and simple. Furthermore, don’t be a waste. You’re given a heart for a reason, to feel respect. You’re given a voice for a reason, to give respect. You’re given a brain for a reason, to know respect. Whatever you do in life, do it with tact and respect.

12. Bring your books home

I can tell you I have skated through a few high school and even college courses without cracking my book open. I may have even received an A in some of those classes. However, I did not learn nearly all that I could’ve had I been willing. Just because you earn a certain letter grade does not mean you’ve succeeded in a course. The object of taking classes isn’t to make a certain grade. Granted, I want to see as many A’s as possible but I won’t be mad if you get a C and worked your tail off for it. However, I will be mad if you settle for a B without opening a book. Never settle for anything in life. Don’t settle for “good enough”. No grade is ever “good enough” in my book unless you tried your absolute hardest. I promise I will know the difference when that time comes because I was guilty of simply “doing enough” to get a “good enough” grade. I could’ve learned a lot more had I not settled for simply making sure I earned a certain grade.

13. You will have friends for “now” and that’s okay

It was at the onset of my second year of college that I had a dear friend named Cole tell me there’s a huge difference in friends for “now” and friends “forever”. Even though he’s one of my friends “forever”, he’s absolutely right. You will have friends that fall into your life temporarily. Those friends might be your drinking buddies in college or even your partner in weights class. You might even have friends you work with. Do not get me wrong, these “temporary” friends are incredibly important. Do not discount their worth. They will mold you into a certain type of person, one that has been exposed to a wide variety of beliefs and customs. Let’s face it. You might be assigned the “weirdo” as lab partner, but give him a chance. He will offer you an important outlook on life, even if you never speak to him after you turn in your last project. You’ll find yourself reflecting back on time spent with him and it might even prove to be useful at one point or another. Everyone can be of value, even if it’s just for a short period of time.

14. Never wonder where you stand with someone

Here recently, I have been more and more guilty of wondering where I stand with people. If you don’t know where you stand with someone, more likely than not you won’t end up wanting to know. I have found that if people want to be in your life and think you’re special they will prove it and you won’t have to second guess yourself or the time you’re investing in that person. Nonetheless, if you REALLY do not know where you stand with someone, please develop the cojones to ask them. No matter the outcome you will have gained something. You’ll never walk away a loser when you gain the courage to establish where you stand with someone. You’ll either save yourself a lot of time or validate the time you’re spending on that person. You’ll either earn a very valuable lesson learned or gain a spot in that persons life. Additionally, if someone is dumb enough to not acknowledge your worth and value, it’s always their loss and never your own. You’ll always win in the long run, even if it hurts like hell.

15. Your teachers are a lot like your parents

In high school I ABSOLUTELY slacked in A.P. Biology (Mrs. Weaver, if you’re reading this…I’m sorry. If I could do it over, I would.) and mainly because I aced Freshman Honors’ Biology (Mrs. Brown, if you’re reading this…I know I still could’ve done better). I knew I could probably get a C in a college course as a junior in high school without trying too awfully hard and to me, that was good enough. It didn’t really impact my GPA too much because it was a weighted course and I knew just how much wiggle room I had. Nonetheless, I’m sure Mrs. Weaver knew I wasn’t fulfilling my complete and total capabilities in her class, I actually think she told me that a time or two…I didn’t listen. I wish I would’ve. I’m sure Mrs. Brown knew I could’ve done better as well. However, I feel as if both of those teachers are individuals I would consider my “friends” now. We all make mistakes in high school and our priorities are a tad bit screwed up. The only reason a teacher lectures you about “doing your best” and “giving it your all” is because they believe in you. I would venture to say once upon a time your teacher procrastinated or didn’t try their hardest and they saw how it impacted them as a student. Like a parent, they don’t want you to make the same mistakes. They might even call you and your fellow students their “kids”. It’s because they care. Cut them some slack and treat them with respect. The government is already hard enough on their case. They don’t need some snotty nose kid disrespecting them too.

16. Good shoes aren’t always stylish shoes

I started wearing Birkenstock sandals before they were the “have to have” sandal. They provided me with good arch support-lame! I know. They were a lot like sandals I saw old people wearing- even MORE lame. However, your feet are your foundation. It is crucial you treat them right. So, if I won’t buy you the cutest new shoes on the market or the hottest Lebrons available it’s because they don’t fit you properly or provide you with the necessary support. Ask your grandma Jennifer about the horrendous blisters I got at State Convention because I tried to skimp on investing in a good pair of FFA heels. Please, don’t hate me for not allowing you to have pitiful shoes. I have had one too many feet issues and I’m just saving you from a great deal of pain.

17. If you go through the drive-thru or check-out at Wal-Mart tell the cashier to have a nice day, and mean it

Nothing grinds my gears more than when I witness someone simply grab the money from the hands of the clerk, toss their sacks into their cart and go about their day without treating the person they’re doing business with like a human. Please, interact with these workers and be kind to them. If they’re not very friendly to you it might be because they’re having a rough day. Still, tell them to have a great day with a smile. It could potentially change their outlook on the day. Be the positive light in the life of others, no matter where you might be interacting with them.

18. I cannot stand some of your aunts and uncles at times, but I still love them

If God decides to grant you siblings, recognize them as blessings. Some children do not have a sibling due to a multitude of reasons. If The Lord decides you are worthy of being an older or even younger sibling, it’s for a reason. My siblings have caused me tears, whippings, and even broken bones. But I love them with all my heart. I made it through some of my most difficult times because they were there by my side. They will be your worst enemy and your best friend all at the same time. It might be a little messed up the way your relationship with them works, but it’s amazing all at the same time. Also, even if it’s not the cool thing to do ALWAYS stick up for your brother or sister. You share the same blood.

19. Find a motto to live by

In life you’ll stumble across SO many quotes. I happened to trip across a Mother Teresa quote one day. I knew I wanted that saying to be my model for life and it reads, “Spread love everywhere you go; let no one come to you without leaving happier.” It is my goal that every person I deal with walks away from me a happier person. Sure, in the “real” world that is somewhat hard to do. However, I do my ABSOLUTE best to make it happen. Of course, you’ll fall short from time to time, but always make it your goal to live your life to a certain standard that you’ve created for yourself. Life isn’t about meeting the expectations others have set for you. Life is about surpassing the expectations you set for yourself. If you find a personal motto to live by that is positive, you’ll be more likely to live a positive, powerful life that results in an impact.

20. A man’s past does not dictate his future

I do not care how many times you screw up or make the same mistake. You are fully capable of altering the overall outcome with God on your side. There are people close to you, myself included who have made disgusting mistakes and have ended up living successful and meaningful lives. Just because you hear that someone has done something in the past does not mean they are that same person today. I most certainly believe in the idea that people can change. Do not fall into the group of pessimistic people that say “once a _____, always a ________”. You never know what one is capable of doing. Furthermore, do not bring up the past of someone who is currently working on improving his/her present state in life and more importantly, their future. The shadow of the dark place that once defined their life could very easily eliminate the bright light shining ahead of them. Do not be that person.

21. Do not try to put a face on beauty

This world is defined by diversity. There are far too many people on this earth to determine what is beautiful and what is not. Because the truth is, everything has beauty in one way or another. Otherwise, I do not believe The Lord would waste His time on knitting each of us in our mother’s womb. The Lord doesn’t create anything that is ugly. He only creates unique masterpieces. Each of us have been perfectly created and molded in His eyes. He made us a certain way and it’s not for us to compare ourselves to one another. I believe He made us all so differently to see how we treat one another. Do we treat everyone we come in contact with, with the same spirit The Lord would? Or do we simply disregard those different from us as unworthy of our time and love? Simply put, no matter what the media says or your friends tell you—everyone is beautiful. I can only hope you treat everyone in that manner. Otherwise, you’ll have one disappointed Savior and momma, neither of which are laughing matters.

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Even though it may seem like I have it all together and know what I’m talking about, I really have not the slightest clue how this life we are granted is supposed to be lived. I simply have an idea on how I THINK it should be lived due to observations and experience. Just because I have witnessed both successes and failures doesn’t mean I know which way is exactly right. I will continue to make mistakes until the day The Lord decides it’s my time to leave this earth. With that in mind, you too will make mistakes and that is okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself. This list is far from complete and isn’t the “how to succeed at life” guide. It is not endorsed by any life coaches or anyone for that matter. It simply is a mass of compiled thoughts I have created in a few hours time. Ultimately, I still have a lot to learn in this life.

In ending, I don’t want you to be anything like me when you’re nearing 21. I want you to be better, a whole lot better. It isn’t my job in this life to have kids who live like me. It’s my duty to have kids who make this world a far better place than I ever could.

Don’t let me down,

Momma D ♥